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Dusk

A new draft of a poem. As ever, comments, ideas, sugggestions etc are welcome. I'll leave it up for a day or so.


Dusk



...it's gone now...

Comments

Katy Murr said…
If you got free copies of poetry books by asking to review them, that would be wonderful - what a way to build up your own library without extortionate expense! (Just checked out your review on Sprackland's 'Tilt'.)

Still, to your poem!

I like the way you've used ' like this' and 'sooner than you’d think' – heightens the tension wonderfully. The actual description in the third stanza reminds me very much of some of Heaney's work, when he's describing frogs... can't remember the exact poem, but I remember 'squelch' and 'stewing'. I'm not too convinced by the necessity of the ellipsis at the beginning; the continual motion, however, is beautiful. It would sound great aloud, I imagine.
Ben Wilkinson said…
Hi, Katy.

Depending on where a review appears depends on what you can expect in return for your writing: sometimes the book alone, and other times a payment as well. Often it's also a great way to encounter poetry of the sort you wouldn't normally read. I hope you found my review of Tilt interesting.

Thanks for your comments on the poem, too; it's very kind of you to compare my descriptions with Heaney's - I think the poem you're thinking of is 'Death of a Naturalist', from the collection of the same name.

I agree on the ellipsis, as I played around with it quite a lot before I posted it up - first it was a comma, then a colon, which I think I'll go back to. What do you think?
Katy Murr said…
Hi,

hmmm... what a good way to make money! How does it typically work - you review something which has recently been published, send it to lots of places, and see who likes it? If you were reviewing it, wouldn't you already have the book anyway?

There's a guardian poetry workshop by Jean Sprackland on The Guardian at the moment, in case you've not seen it. Yeh, I liked the bit about the half-rhymes, and the Milankovitch cycle; I'd heard it discussed, but didn't know the name. The review seems technical and readable - good things to combine.

I like the sounds in what little I've read of her work, although for me it's not as exciting as some other poems, even if it seems more intelligently thought-out. I should read some more though, there's a lot to be learnt from the precision I've seen in what I have read.

Yes! That's the one. From the GCSE anthology. I remember people really played around when they were reading it in class, and began reminiscing about tadpoles and frogspawn of primary school. A clever choice for the anthology!

From what I remember, yes, I think a colon would work better, would create more anticipation - or maybe a long dash?

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